bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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