If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
