Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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