you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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