I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
