did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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