Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
