put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
