I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
