I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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