they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
