how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
