i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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