I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
