when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
