mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
