Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
