The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
