I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
