Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
