it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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