What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
