don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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