omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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