And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
