well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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