yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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