As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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