so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
