Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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