THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
