The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
