i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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