So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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