I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
