is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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