My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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