I wish I could punch you in the face.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
50% drunk capacity currently
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
