i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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