Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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