I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
