where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
