forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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