you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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