Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
