fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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