We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
