did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This house was built for laser tag.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
