I must be too annoying 4 u.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
