Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize