don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
