Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
