mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
