I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
