Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
