The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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