im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
