I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
