I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pooping to opera.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
