I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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