Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
