Your dad touched me again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
