Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
