I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
