Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
