talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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