i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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