i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
