Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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