I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
