it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
