My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
