Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
